Friday, 26 July 2013

On instant gratification and long time goals

The Reader by Jean-Honore Fragonard, 1771
All in all I am in a very good place right now. Relationship, family, living, work, economy, health, they all work and I’m very happy about it. But there are a few kinks that I’m working on and one is the kick of instant gratification. You get it when you blog- I love getting comments on what I write and it is great for the Ego when I have made something and it gets admired. Instant gratification is around when I shop all those nice things that I don’t really need, and I don’t go over my limit, so why worry. For example- I generally feel that I’m allowing myself the easy way out on several aspects of my life right now and I would like that to change, to give myself what I really want, even if it takes a bit longer and doesn’t get as much attention.

I want to travel more than I have. I want to go back to Rome, Paris, London and Edinburgh. I want to see new places like Prague and Venice, for example. And I know that a bit of not spending so much of what I don’t really need would go a long way toward that. As for now, J and I have decided to let September be a non-spending month, apart from bills and groceries. I think it will be easier if we do it together and can cheer each other.

As for blogging, well, the instant gratifications are only part of it and not even the biggest part either. Another reason is because I’m a compulsive writer. I wasn’t always, but ten years ago I saw a picture online that triggered something and I started to write and since then I haven’t stopped. I write stories and I blog because I love to write. It isn’t always easy, but if I don’t write I feel a bit odd. I certainly don’t want to bash blogging, I love it, but I have, for quite some time, felt the need to write something with a little more weight, something lasting. I have wanted to write a book.

And for the same amount of time I have struggled with little demons that tells me that I don’t write well enough, that it won’t be interesting enough and that no one will want to print it, but in the end, what I really feel, is that it doesn’t matter if I’m not good enough for other, because I need to write this for me. Even if no one else reads it, I want this for myself. I have already blown the whistle at Madame Isis Toilette, so some of you already now that I have swatted away my demons and have started writing a book on 18th century beauty and makeup. I have a lot of fun right now, researching, trying out recipes and writing. I want o write a book with accurate history, doable beauty recipes and makeup tutorials and I know that is an interesting enough subject and I will do my best to make it good enough for others to read as well.

But this also means less blogging. I’m not going it up, because I still sew and it isn’t a chore at all to blog about sewing, but other kinds of posts will have to stand back for book writing. Less instant Ego stroking for me, but I think the more long term reward will make up for it.



Anonymous said...

My dear, I know exactly what you mean about instant gratification (particularly the examples of shopping and blogging that you mention!). Thank you for being so honest - I get the same little ego kick when someone comments on my blogs, too, and recently I've also been questioning why I blog.

Good luck with your book - it sounds like it's going to be very interesting, and I know you know this topic. I've recently been wrestling with my own writing demons, so I know how you feel. I'm not a believer in 'self-help' books, but I've found 'Coach Yourself to Writing Success' surprising helpful and really useful ( It's helped me be a lot more productive with my writing over the past couple of weeks, so I'd definitely recommend giving it a go. I'm going to be writing a longer post on Jane of All Trades, but I wanted to mention it to you as it seems relevant!


ZipZip said...

Dear Isis,

Sensible thoughts. You've obviously been mulling this over very carefully, and it becomes a bit compulsive, this writing and blog reading and commenting, and then costuming or researching in order to communicate again. I've certainly felt that over time.

For instance, what really needs doing here is curtain and drapery making, and some redecorating, but the expense is so much more, and it feels less doable, so I put it off.

Happiest of researching and writing on the book. You know that I am so excited about it already.

Very best,


Kendra said...

Super excited about this! I'm finding the same thing -- not much time for anything else, but I think the satisfaction of a BOOK will outweigh anything else!

Isis said...

gentlewomanthief: Thank you! I will check the book out. :)

Natalie: Compulsive and addictive. :) Thnak you!

Kendra: I'm very glad that you do! And yes, I Think it will be more satisfying in the long run.

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